I was encouraged by watching a You Tube video to write this post, seeing someone else putting into words what they are going through was really inspiring.
In the video I was watching, the lady was talking about how she has PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and about how she is the type of person that always makes sure that everyone else is happy above and beyond what she is going through. That everyone thinks she is such a strong person and got over her trauma really well, is an inspiration to everyone, that because she is such a strong person she takes on other people's problems. But she just gets on with it and feels like that's what she had to do.
I feel like I'm that person too, I take on other people's problems. It's almost as if I crave that! I don't want my family to feel bad if they read this that they put too much on me because it is me that does it, not them. I take over and do stuff for other people, even strangers I will go out of my way to help them. I put it down to not wanting to sit quietly or I start thinking about things that I don't want to think about.
I have PTSD as I was raped and for such a long time I didn't let it show. I always said I was fine, that what happened to me was in the past and I don't let it effect me. I just kept all of those feelings hidden deep inside until one day, 2 years ago, it just suddenly hit me and I thought do you know what I'm not fine so I started on a course of anti-depressants and went to see a therapist. I found it almost too easy to talk to her and felt like maybe I have been making myself feel worse about things and I was actually over it. So I stopped going.
I am self employed and my husband came to work with me and that made things a lot better as I wasn't alone all day to think about stuff but he was offered a job that he couldn't turn down so he has been back at work for 3 weeks now and I can feel it all starting to creep in again.
If you know me and you read this, please don't feel bad or sorry for me because that's not what this blog is for. I just needed to get this off my chest to realise that I need to do something about it.
Michelle xx
